Infidelity: More places for facts and a new book!

Posted on July 20, 2011
Filed Under Facts | Leave a Comment

July 20, 2011:  Here is good news from InfidelityFastFacts.com that should come as a welcome to readers.

Yes, I have heard your requests.  As such, these pages have been slim these days because I am:

You will be the first to know because we will announce it on these pages.  So thank you all for your encouragement.

For daily news on love, marriage and infidelity — please go to www.ritawatson.com

Happiness/ R

For Tiger Woods, golfing news finally tops mistress-mania

Posted on April 11, 2011
Filed Under In the news | Leave a Comment

It has finally happened – Tiger Woods is making golfing news that is overshadowing news of Elin Nordegren, infidelity, and multiple mistresses. With ESPN telling us today, April 11, 2011, that “Tiger Woods is almost there” the question in the Irish Independent this weekend “Whatever became of Tiger’s Mistresses?”  was a fade out.

Why? People are ready to follow Tiger Woods as a golfer instead of a “player.”  At the Masters, fans wanted Tiger Woods to become the “Comeback kid.” Tiger Woods, almost there

How news of Tiger Woods’ women overshadowed his golfing

Despite the sympathy generated for Elin Nordegren and her orchestrated silences coupled with well timed news leaks (that allegedly came from a large legal team that included her sister) the public seems saturated with the saga.

And as far as the mistresses go, only Rachel Uchitel seems to command  a somewhat credible headline.  The others have all had their 15 minutes of fame.  And mistress after mistress surfed just before a tournament to distract him and in some cases harass him.

Tiger Woods is good news for the golf world and “billboard sponsorship”

In addition to generating enthusiasm among Fans at the Masters, it seems that Woods was dubbed “a walking billboard.” USA Today says that at CBS’ Masters coverage Sunday — Woods was able to draw in “$3.9 milion dollars worth of on-air exposure for his various Nike logos.”  And despite stories of Tiger Woods no longer shining, Yahoo sports says that fans believe that” tales of his demise are greatly” exaggerated.

The good news about Elin and Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods has struggled with his golf game and his self image. He has clearly wanted to become the Comeback Kid on the greens, but he is has also struggled with his swing, being a single dad, and seeking balance in his life.

Elin for her part, apparently for the sake of the children, has just purchased a $12 million mansion 10 miles from Tiger Woods. ‎The good news about the house is that it makes shared custody much easier for the parents and less stressful for their children.  The golf world is hoping that it is the start of quietly shared custody that enables Woods to do what he does best — play golf!

For more stories, please go to www.ritawatson.com

To leave comments, please go to Rita Watson, Love and Marriage Examiner

Copyright Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

Female infidelity: why some marriages make it, others crumble

Posted on April 7, 2011
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The double standard has hit the news again. In marriages where men are unfaithful there is a better chance of the couple staying together.  Although just 3 in 100 women are unfaithful, nonetheless in cases of infidelity men are forgiven, women are banished.

In a CNN article today April 7, 2011, we get to heart of the matter, women stray for emotional reasons, and the male ego cannot take the affront.  Whereas men stray opportunistically.

Unfaithful women are actually quite rare — fewer than 3 percent annually and just about 15 percent over a lifetime say national authorities researching data funded by the National Science Foundation.  Nonetheless, if it a woman who is unfaithful, the marriage often crumbles is what  Ian Kerner, sexuality counselor writing for CNN, essentially says.

He points out : “That’s one of the reasons there’s often a better chance that a couple will stay together and try to work things out when it’s the man who’s doing the cheating, rather than the woman. For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt.

“It’s often more a matter of the heart than of the genitals. Sure, some women cheat for the sex, but many also cheat for another chance at love, or to confirm to themselves that their primary relationship is really over. A woman who cheats is often a woman who doesn’t want to work it out. She’s already invested time trying to work it out, and she’s done. It’s too late.” Female infidelity: It’s different from the guys

Two important themes of which we are to be mindful: labeling and bad statistics

Labeling is damaging in so many ways — forget political correctness. Labeling is basically name calling and branding, a technique used by teen girls who are bullies who use deliberately hurtful words and rumors to harass.

With regard to infidelity — the more often we use the word “cheat” the more inflamatory it is.  Ironically most often it is the men who are called cheaters.   Sometimes the media is kinder to unfaithful women calling them words such mistresses, paramours.

The problem with the word “cheater”– it can hinder reconciliation.

With regard to bad statistics — using statistics to bolster an article can be unfair unless you read the ENTIRE source.  There are not a lot of current studies being reported — check the source and you will see that they date back to 2008.  And even the CNN article talks about old studies.

Most often if you read the study you will find that the information pulled out, was really a minor effect.  Sharon Jayson wrote in 2008 about “happy enough men” who cheat.  But look closely, she did not say that “happy husbands” cheat and what you will find if you read the actual study is the disparity between men’s perception and women’s. Happy enough’ couples fall prey to infidelity, too – USATODAY.com

What to do

Infidelity is the symptom of a larger problem. And this is an important reason to look both inward and at the marriage.

Marriage and infidelity expert, nationally acclaimed award recipient

Before making a hasty decision about a husband or wife who is unfaithful  talk with an expert in marriage and infidelity such as Michele Weiner-Davis or one of the qualified counselors at divorcebusting.com

For my newspaper column, I  talked with Michele Weiner-Davis, who won the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy’s Outstanding Contribution to the Field of Marriage and Therapy Award and Smart Marriages’ Impact Award.

She says, “It is important to know that no matter how bleak things might seem, it is possible to revitalize a marriage wounded by infidelity. But it takes teamwork and commitment from spouses willing to work hard at getting their marriages back on track. Re-establishing trust and finding ways to manage overwhelming painful emotions are key to the healing process.” Rita Watson: Infidelity, meet sex addiction  March 7, 2010 (Providence Journal)

Regarding men who are unfaithful

What do accurate statistics mean for wives?  The numbers are low. Just 5 in 100 annually and about 22 percent over a lifetime.   Look for love signs and not cheating clues. Be cautious about the advice you follow.If you are in a position where infidelity is at issue– find trusted experts who have credentials and licenses with the expertise to guide you into the decision that is best for you and your family.

Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

Cheater’s site exposed, only 3% of women, 5% of men cheat annually

Posted on March 31, 2011
Filed Under Facts, In the news | Leave a Comment

The website designed for married people looking for an affair has been exposed by Redbook magazine, April 2011 issue, and was reamed on The Today Show.

And if you wish to see a reader’s exchange when I wrote about this several years ago refusing to mention the name of the site, please go to: Rita Watson: Overselling infidelity on the Internet |Sunday, Aug 1, 2010 (interviews with Professor Edward O. Laumann, University of Chicago and Dr.Ruth Westheimer )

The cheater’s website that would have us believe their 8 million so-called members are involved in cheating was infiltrated by two reporters.  If the public relied on accurate statistics from surveys funded by the National Science Foundation instead of Internet hype they could easily deduce the truth about this site. Ever since the Eliot Spitzer scandal many people associate the name with a place that attracts women who give men the opportunity to cheat.

First the truth about infidelity

The annual rates for women who are unfaithful averaged 2.3 percent and the annual rates for men was 4.3 percent.

These figures were told to me by the head of one of the most respected sources for statistics in the nation — Dr. Tom W. Smith, internationally acclaimed expert and Director of the Science and Culture section of the National Opinion Research Center  (NORC) at the University of Chicago.

The National Marriage Project of the University of Virginia – examining NORC data –recently confirmed the figures noting that over a lifetime just 22 percent of men and about 15 percent of women engaged in marital infidelity.

Next, the Ashley Madison expose

It seems that the guests on the Today Show were outraged by the website and it’s destructive tendencies.  “Redbook editor-in-chief Jill Herzig stopped by the Today Show Tuesday with psychologist Dr. Jeff Gardere to talk about the magazine’s take on Noel Biderman’s controversial website, which has 8 million members.

“Herzig said that the most surprising finding from the undercover investigation was that many men on the site craved an emotional connection, not just a physical one.” AshleyMadison.com: Redbook Magazine Investigates (VIDEO) Be certain to watch the video links with this Huffington Post article.

Free membership offers

Also keep in mind that not all so called members are paying members – and some may sign up but never use the service because of the money involved. Here is a report about free membership offers in the Washington, DC area for Mistress Day.  AshleyMadison makes it an affair to remember | Katy Adams

(This article will be adapted with additional links on The Examiner.com)

See full article listings on Rita Watson – Love Columnist

Follow Rita Watson on Twitter @ LoveColumnist

Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

Spring Fever: what the myth means for marriage and infidelity

Posted on March 20, 2011
Filed Under In the news | Leave a Comment

Spring is officially here and the news is filled with Spring Fever stories. Sad to say Spring Fever romance and sex do not go hand-in-hand. Research confirms that sexual activity decreases in the Spring.

The giddiness attributed to love is simply the antidote for Season Affective Disorders (SAD) first described by clinical psychiatrist Norman Rosenthal, MD, Georgetown University. Those who claim that infidelity increases during the spring and summer are basically misinformed. (See link to Spring Fever: Love is in the Air, March 19, 2011)

What does this mean for love and marriage?

For those hoping that a dose of spring fever will rejuvenate life in the bedroom, scientists have disappointing news. Diaries indicate that sexual activity decreases during the spring and does not pick up again until autumn. As such even infidelity – already low at just under 22 of men unfaithful on a lifetime basis – decreases as well.

Want additional factual information?

Read what researchers at the University of North Carolina have to say, as well as the initial studies of clinical psychiatrist Dr. Norman Rosenthal, MD, Georgetown University.

First of all the question of Spring Fever, is it a real phenomenon?

Dr. Jon Abramowitz, professor and associate chair of psychology at the University of North Carolina says it is not even an official medical condition.

“When the weather turns warm, people are definitely tired of being cooped up, and they get excited about the warm weather and getting to do stuff outside,” he said.

That excitement may trigger the brain to secrete endorphins, pain-relieving chemicals that suffuse a person with feelings of well-being. Endorphins chemically resemble morphine, the narcotic derived from poppies.

Spring activities, such as flying a kite or taking a leisurely bike ride, may also play a role because exercising can improve mood.

“Exercise is just as good as antidepressants for depression,” Abramowitz said. Spring fever blossoms in warm weather — but is it a real ailment?

Spring fever, sex, and babies

While Professor Rosenthal initially thought there was some relationship to enhanced romantic feelings, more recent research by Professor Michael Smolensky, a chronobiologist from the University of Texas specialising in the relationship of biology to the rhythms of hours, days and months, says that statistics indicate that sexual activity in human beings is much greater in autumn,.

“When we look at couples who have kept sex diaries and single males who have kept their own data, sexual activity is rather low in spring,” Smolensky says.

But keep in mind that sperm counts are conclusive studies who that levels of testosterone, the male sex hormone, are highest in late summer and early autumn than spring and as such conception rates are high.  As such despite decreased sexual activity during the spring given the sperm count – which increases when not used up – just a single dose of love and intimacy might be enough to conceive that baby. Science of spring fever – Times Online

For a new story Spring Fever: Love is in the Air March 19, 2011

For a full set of stories, please go to Rita Watson – Love Columnist

Follow me on Twitter at LoveColumnist

Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

Atlantic Wire asks: Just how many men are cheating?

Posted on February 14, 2011
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Feb. 14, 2011: In the world of “lies, damned lies and statistics” I wonder if Mark Twain could have imagined that infidelity would become such a hot topic. The Atlantic Wire just referenced my Providence Journal and Seattle Times article Caitlin Dickinson asked: How Common Is Cheating, Really? | The Atlantic Wire

Today this story hit the news:  Do You Stay Or Go After Discovering Infidelity? “Behind the statistics lies a host of reasons too numerous to mention here. If you discover that your spouse has been unfaithful, the action you take (murder is not allowed) should be the one that leads you out of “victim-hood,” regardless of whether the choice is reconciliation or divorce.” says Pamela Zivari, Esq.

What is the truth about infidelity?

Currently there is only one set of valid statistics with regard to infidelity and these are from the General Social Survey (GSS) which Dr. Bradford Wilson used to compile his data. It is the largest survey funded by the National Science Foundation.

The real numbers for men: 4.5 percent are cheating annually, and about 20 – 22 percent unfaithful over their lifetime.

For women, 2.3 percent are unfaithful annually, and 15 percent over their lifetime.

These figures are from my interview with Dr. Tom Smith, director of the GSS as compiled by the National Opinion Research Center which has been interviewing people from 300-400 neighborhoods across America for 15 years, applying rigorous statistical standards. About 2,000 people a year are surveyed with over 15,000 interviewed since 1988. CHEATING FIGURES YOU CAN TRUST

(Academic studies can oftentimes be reliable.  The least reliable are Internet surveys and personal interviews because of the self-selection bias factor.)

The Atlantic Wire

Caitlin Dickinson in her piece asked, with regard to Ashley Madison’s inflated numbers: “But are that many married people really searching for someone else?

A recent study by the University of Virginia suggests the market for unfaithful spouses may be shrinking, not growing. UVA Sociologist Bradford Wilcox is the director of the Marriage and Family Project that conducted the study, and told Providence Journal [Sunday] contributor and [regular Lifebeat Relationship columnist] Rita Watson that “22 percent of ever-married men and 14 percent of ever-married women said they had had an extramarital affair over their lifetimes. Also infidelity overall has not increased over the last 20 years.”

Yet, many say these figures are too low and “just about everyone knows someone who is cheating.” Perhaps in certain areas, but not nationwide. However, eastern north-central states and the Mid-Atlantic States do have annual infidelity rates close to 19 percent.

Professor Edward O Laumann who does international analysis decries outrageous statistics such as  the 50 to 70 percent figures bandied about the Internet with regard to cheating. He calls the numbers “shock statistics” and self-reported figures from those who answer Internet surveys — “just nonsense.”

Should you try to save your marriage?

In answer to Attorney Zivari “do you go or stay?”  As a proponent of Love and Marriage, here are my thoughts. Ignore the impulse to “stoop and snoop” and find ways to resolve the underlying issue.  Infidelity is a symptom of a larger problem. And this is an important reason to look both inward and at the marriage issues.

1) If you don’t solve the problem that was at the root of the infidelity it may manifest itself in other ways and even other relationships.

2) Forgiveness saves your health.  Angry, bitter women determined to “get even” will find that hostility is a predictor of heart attacks — as I have documented in previous articles.

3) When children are involved, you may wish to put aside the hurt, and take some time to consider how divorce will affect them.

Please have a look at the Suggested reading with links to leading experts in marriage counseling and the Mayo Clinic.

A category list of articles on love, marriage, and INFIDELITY FAST FACTS — appearing on the Examiner and in the Providence Journal — as well as my biographhy and contact info — are at  Rita Watson – Love Columnist

Follow me on Twitter LoveColumnist

Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

How the Recession has saved some marriages

Posted on February 10, 2011
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Feb.10, 2011:  Despite the financial stress of  today’s uncertain economic times, a  new study from the University of Virginia, the National Marriage Project, shows that the recession may actually be helping couples pull together – despite the financial stress.   I had written about this earlier in which I interviewed Dr. William Sledge at Yale:  Money Woes Make for Grumpy Couples, Sunday, November 3, 2008

The Huffington Post reported today: “Despite previous findings that financial stress tends to weaken marriages, the survey–culled from a nationally representative sample of 1,197 married Americans aged 18 to 45, released earlier this week–found that 29 percent of Americans believe the most recent recession deepened their commitment to marriage. What’s more, 38 percent of couples who had been considering divorce prior to the recession put those plans aside.

“In the face of tough times, some couples spiral downwards and other couples prove to be resilient and tough times can make them even stronger,” Wilcox said. “There’s some evidence at the collective level that everyone is suffering and there’s a message in the society that we’re facing tough times economically that can paradoxically foster a spirit of solidarity.” Recession Divorce Rates: Marital Unions Unraveling As Economy Bounces Back?

Interview with Dr. Wilcox – cheating dips

I interviewed Dr. Wilcox and he told me the good news about cheating — it has remained consistenly low for over 20 years and this year showed a slight decline. Valentine love soars, infidelity dips / Seattle Times

The recession and Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine wives can thank the recession.  This year, as in the past three years, the recession has put a crimp on cheating husbands because they cannot afford to buy gifts for both wives and mistresses.  Divorce lawyers and private investigators are also reporting a drop in clients.  People just don’t have the money to spend.

National researchers put cheating at 20% lifetime with fewer than 5% annually

Compiling accurate statistics regarding infidelity is a difficult task. But see what this national authority has to say:

With regard to 20 percent of men who cheat over their lifetime, “One person may cheat only once in 20 years, while another may cheat every year for 20 years. Exact figures are difficult to ascertain,” says Tom W. Smith, Ph.D., director of the General Social Survey (GSS) of the National Opinion Research Center (NORC).

I also asked him about seasonal infidelity and especially summer infidelity and claims that 50 to 70 percent of men cheat.

He not only said he had never seen figures “that relate infidelity to season of the year,” but added, “There is no evidence I’ve seen to back up the 50 to 70 percent figure.”

This from a private investigator

Bill Mitchell, a licensed private investigator with a degree in psychology working out of Greenville, S.C., talked about infidelity on the “Dr. Phil” show. He believes that “statistical analysis is a science that works.” He reminded me in a comment to my column on Valentine love is high, infidelity is low adapted from my newspaper columns.

Valentine’s Day and other events are always important occasions when infidelity is suspected but fact-checking is the key. Any unexplained dissappearances, expenditures, or receipts serve as a reason to verify the truth. That’s any weekend, holiday or time of the year.

See his interview linked in Dr. Ruth says: ‘I told you so” where he had this to say about summer infidelity. “Another Internet legend,” and he questions the data. “Has it been documented and compared with the other three seasons? Those who are unfaithful will cheat any day, every day, every night, normally over weekends and all four seasons.” Summer Infidelity: Another Internet legend?

Mitchell is author of “The More You Know: Getting the Evidence and Support You Need to Investigate a Troubled Relationship.” www.mitchellreports.com/landing

On the love side – good news on Valentine’s Day  — the Jewel Thief

What do accurate cheating statistics mean for wives?  The numbers are low.  He is probably not cheating on you. And don’t always be suspicious.  Think about the story “Confessions of a Master Jewel Thief” by Bill Mason.

What do you think HIS wife was thinking when he would go off in a tuxedo on Saturday nights without her?  She probably thought he was cheating. Instead he was getting himself into festitives of the rich and famous.  Once there he sized up the valuable gems and set himself to stealing them from those with homes on the water in Ft. Lauderdale. One of his unsuspecting victims — Mrs. Armand Hammer.

The moral of the story — don’t always assume your husband is cheating.  If you are suspicious, talk to him. Get at the root of the problem. Then help him become the loving companion that you seek.

Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

Hillary Clinton and political wives who try to save marriage after infidelity

Posted on January 26, 2011
Filed Under In the news, MARRIAGE TIPS | Leave a Comment

In the world of love, marriage and politics some wives stand by their man despite infidelity. They do so out of a sense of loyalty to their husbands, their children, and their marriage. While rumors fly, wives speak out.  In the wake of the alleged Todd Palin scandal, it seems appropriate to address the issue of forgiveness with regard to infidelity.  (Palin was cleared of accusations of involvement with a prostitution ring.)

Four high-profile political wives have been touched by infidelity and either made their marriages work or attempted to do so: Hillary Clinton, Silda Spitzer, Jenny Sanford, Elizabeth Edwards.

Hillary Clinton set an example for wives by appearing on national television to defend marriage after the Monica Lewinsky scandal that lead to an unsuccessful impeachment move against President Clinton.

Silda Spitzer stood by former Governor Eliot Spitzer after his high-price call girl scandal and the two are still married reinforcing the meaning of “for better or worse.” Spitzer is now co-hosting a TV news show.  Silda Spitzer went on to take the blame saying she was not giving her husband what he needed.

Jenny Sanford tried to save their marriage, but eventually divorced her husband. Yet she always spoke kindly of  the Governor who fell in love with a woman in Argentina.  She appeared on The View looking gorgeous in many ways — she had a new look with her long hair.  But she also revealed an inner beauty and peace despite her husband’s infidelity.

She seemed to be a woman who honestly believed in her husband and his “inexperience” in the world.  And while some may say she made excuses for him, she also showed common sense and the ability to be forgiving. Jenny Sanford on The View talks kindly of Mark despite infidelity (video)

Elizabeth Edwards – despite the pain of infidelity – did her best to stand by her man refusing even to mention the name of her husband’s mistress. Even after the mess of Rielle Hunter, she acknowledged that she and John tried to work things out and that she was looking forward to being a step-mom to his lovechild, Baby Quinn.

The Todd Palin scandal is reminiscent of political scandals that damage both marriage and integrity.  The New York Daily News today wondered why Sarah Palin –was silent despite denials of allegations in 2008 and 2009.

Cheating and The Forgiveness Factor

If you are wondering what cues you might look for with regard to cheating – here they are:  Cheating Signs

But let’s be mindful of one important relationship rule – if someone in a relationship is cheating, if you start with forgiveness then working on the marriage will happen naturally.  The religious writers are quick to tell us that those who do not forgive do the real damage — to their own hearts and soul.

Three reasons to forgive and save your marriage

Three reasons to stay:

1) If you don’t solve the problem that was at the root of the infidelity it may manifest itself in other ways and even other relationships.

2) Forgiveness saves your health.  Angry, bitter women determined to “get even” will find that hostility is a predictor of heart attacks — as I have documented in previous articles.

3) When children are involved, you may wish to put aside the hurt, and take some time to consider how divorce will affect them.

From the Huffington Post

Cheating means the partner who steps out isn’t getting something they need from the relationship. If it’s impossible to fix that problem, you may need to end the relationship. But that isn’t realistic for some couples, especially when children are involved.

Plus, if you do get to the root of the affair, your partnership can emerge stronger than ever. For that to happen, both members of the couple have to be willing to do the healing work–and that might mean that the person who was cheated on has to acknowledge their part in the affair. The part the injured partner played may be small, but a relationship is made of two people. If something goes wrong, it’s happened to both people. Sarah Harrison: Why You Shouldn’t Necessarily Leave a Cheating Husband

Infidelity should not necessarily be a deal breaker.  Couples who have invested in a marriage owe it to themselves to take a good look at what they have and how they might save their relationship.   Here is what the Mayo Clinic tells us: Infidelity: Mending your marriage after an affair – MayoClinic.co

Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

First dude infidelity rumors: why is Sarah Palin silent?

Posted on January 25, 2011
Filed Under In the news | Leave a Comment

There is a strange hush surrounding the usually outspoken Sarah Palin with regard to Todd’s alleged infidelity with a masseuse and one-time madam.  Can it be that while she was governor of Alaska he was really the shadow governor, as was revealed by MSNBC?

Because of the damage that infidelity does to marriage and to children, we would have expected an outcry from Sarah Palin over this tawdry rumor.  We would expect more from Palin because as Sally Quinn pointed out after her resignation speech,

Sarah Palin should live up to her self-proclaimed Christian “family values” and do what she says is the moral thing to do: put her family first and help those who cannot help themselves. On Faith Panelists Blog: Palin’s Peculiar Family Values – Sally Quin

A silent arrangement

Perhaps Todd played so big a role while Sarah was governor that she cannot possibly say a word.  Sometime people look the other way when they are getting their way.  We must wonder if this is the reason for the Palin silence right now.

This was the story from MSNBC: “Officially he was the first gentleman of Alaska. More people called him the “first dude.”

But newly released e-mails show that Todd Palin was busy doing more than snow machine driving and salmon fishing during Sarah Palin’s two and a half years as governor and vice presidential candidate.

“Nearly 3,000 pages of e-mails that Todd Palin exchanged with state officials, which were released to msnbc.com and NBC News by the state of Alaska under its public records law, draw a picture of a Palin administration where the governor’s husband got involved in a judicial appointment, monitored contract negotiations with public employee unions, received background checks on a corporate CEO, added his approval or disapproval to state board appointments and passed financial information marked “confidential” from his oil company employer to a state attorney.” Palin e-mails reveal a powerful ‘first dude’ – Politics – msnbc.com

It appears that this information, lost in the flood of accusations, may be the reason for the code of silence between the two.  His office has denied the rumors, but he has said nothing.  This silence worked for Elin Nordegren during the Tiger Woods affair, but can it work politically for a woman with eyes on the Republican candidacy for president?

Have you read? Todd Palin infidelity gossip hurts marriage and Sarah’s career

Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

Valentine’s Day: defeat infidelity, nip it in the bud, Tip 3

Posted on January 19, 2011
Filed Under MARRIAGE TIPS | Leave a Comment

In my incurably romantic state I am forever on a mission to see the cup as half full instead of half empty and so I become concerned with all the inaccurate news about infidelity.  There is no infidelity epidemic in this country.  As such, for this Valentine’s Day — Tip 3 — look for love signs instead of stooping to snoop.  Here are 3 tips from 3 authors to help you plant love.

As a Relationship columnist for the Providence Journal and a former Director at Yale’s Department of Psychiatry (Education and Policy),  I have interviewed  international leaders with the National Science Foundation,  read the research, and thanked my statistics professor at Yale a thousand times over for teaching me to decipher good surveys from bad.

Lifetime infidelity in only about 20 percent with fewer than 5 percent of men are cheating annually. (I think this is so important to note, that I am publishing this on my blog as well as The Examiner.com.)

So rather than worry about your mate being unfaithful to you, start planting love.  Have a look at Tips 1 and 2 which are full of ideas for captivating your man – even if you suspect he is cheating.

Over the past few weeks, I have interviewed three women who are filled with ideas for making relationships work.  Here are tips from each of them that will nip infidelity in the bud and chase away the marriage blues.

Be your mate’s cheerleader, Laurie Puhn, “Fight Less, Love More”

“Foremost in a marriage, you need to be your mate’s head cheerleader. It’s common that over time we stop appreciating our mate, and that’s when the mate’s eyes start to wander,” she says.

“If you are not your mate’s head cheerleader you are leaving the job open for someone else.  Once your mate feels neglected, he or she searches for someone else to value him or her. That is when cheating can easily move in.

“The neglected mate tends to feel as if he or she is not in a ‘real’ marriage anymore and that’s all someone needs to find an excuse to cheat,” she adds.

Laurie Puhn is the author of Fight Less, Love More and a Harvard educated family lawyer and conflict resolution expert. (www.lauriepuhn.com)

Make a romance manual, Alisa Bowman, “Project Happily Ever After”

“Keep dating.  Keep hugging.  Keep touching. Keep saying ‘I love you’ in words and actions,” says Bowman. Think back to the early days of your relationship.  What did her do then that he no longer does now?

“Think about your friends’ husbands, particularly those who are romantic.  How do they romance their wives? Think about romantic men in movies and books. What do they do?

“Write it all down in a Romance Instruction Manual,” she says.

Then what — let the loving begin!

(Watch for a full interview with Alisa this week on the Examiner. www.alisabowman.com

If you are dating someone online, make certain he is available – Julie Spira, Cyber-Dating Expert

“Go ahead and Google your date to find out more about him, but don’t let him know you have done so on a first date. A man needs to make a woman feel safe while dating to  make sure she knows he is who really says he is,” she says.

“Often a man will say he’s divorced, when in reality his status is ’separated, divorce pending,’ or he hasn’t even filed yet.

“To avoid being a transition person, you need to find out in the beginning where he stands and how available he really is to be in a relationship with you.  The smartest way to defeat infidelity is to refuse to date a another woman’s husband,” says Julie Spira. Julie Spira | Cyber Dating Expert

There are 7 red flags that can lead to infidelity and a link at the end to Marriage Saving Solutions:

No. 1: Crying Out for Help

No. 2: Sudden Change — or Interest — in Appearance.

No. 3: Unconstructive Criticism

No. 4: Guilt Gifts

No. 5: Snubbed at the Company Party

No. 6: Sneaking

No. 7: History Repeats Itself (but not always — marriages can be saved after infidelity as we have learned from other WebMD features.) Nip Infidelity in the Bud– see Marriage Saving Solutions.

Be certain to look at Tips 1 and 2 for lots of Valentine love ideas.

Valentine Love 2011: defeat infidelity, choose gratitude news

Valentine Love 2011: defeat infidelity, plan for romance, Tip 2

A category list of articles on love, marriage, and INFIDELITY FAST FACTS — appearing on the Examiner and in the Providence Journal — are at  Rita Watson – Love Columnist

Follow me on Twitter LoveColumnist

Copyright 2011 Rita Watson/ All Rights Reserved

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